Being Honest and Listening to Yourself

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I have to be honest about something here on the blog.  If you have read some of my other posts, you know that I started my third round of Whole 30 back at the end of August.  I was super excited about doing a third round because I had been letting a few too many things slip in my healthy eating habits and I felt like I needed a good reset.  I have completed two other rounds of Whole 30 before and have really loved the program.  So I was really excited and definitely ready to begin another round.

So I began my third round of the Whole 30 the last week in August.  Something was different this time though.  The first time I did a Whole 30 I did it to find out if there were foods triggering my migraines.  The second time I did a Whole 30 I was doing it with some friends and we did it in January 2015 right after the holidays and it was about 6 weeks after I finished my first round.  I mainly did that round to be supportive of the others I knew doing the Whole 30.  So with this round I was telling myself that I was doing it as a way to reset and get back on track.  If I am being totally honest though, I wanted to do it to lose a few pounds.  Which, there isn’t anything wrong with doing a Whole 30 to lose weight.  You definitely can lose weight while doing it but the main purpose of the program is to focus on feeding your body good healthy foods and to learn to have a healthy relationship with food.  And you aren’t supposed to weigh yourself while doing the Whole 30.

perfect-honest

Like I said this round felt different.  And I noticed it right away.

Something about my past (without getting into too much detail) that came into play when I began this third round was that I struggled with eating issues in high school.  I had such low self esteem and such hate for my body for such a long, long time.  I have worked really hard to change this.  I have come to a point in my life where I focus on nutrition and what food can do for my body, not how it will make me look.  I have learned to exercise because it feels good and I know it it so important for staying healthy.  I have worked really hard especially the last few years to not be concerned about what the scale says or what the size of my jeans are but instead on how I feel and if I am living a healthy life and being a healthy role model for my family and others.

Going into this round of the Whole 30 with the thoughts of wanting to lose weight was not mentally healthy for me.  I quickly felt like my mind was flooding with negative thoughts again about how I looked.  I noticed that I was getting panicky about what I was eating, wanting to step on the scale to see if I had lost anything, skipping meals thinking I could lose more by the end of the month if I cut out a few meals.  It felt like all this work I have put into having a positive and healthy view of my eating and my body was unraveling, way too fast.

The moment that was a turning point for me was when I was at a friend’s house for a meeting and I had some quinoa salad she had made.  I wasn’t going to have it at first because quinoa isn’t allowed on the Whole 30.  I personally enjoy quinoa and I know that my body doesn’t react badly to eating it like my body does when I have too much gluten.  I did end up deciding to have some because I was starving since I had not eaten much that day.  I told myself a little would be fine.  But, sadly, I beat myself up about eating it.  I mean I seriously was not kind to myself that night after eating it.  Quinoa.   A food I personally think is really healthy and I normally (under non Whole 30 circumstances) feel really good about eating.  Fortunately I was able to recognize that finishing the Whole 30 just to say I finished it was not mentally healthy for me at this time.  So, my Whole 30 turned into a Whole 14.  And I am perfectly fine with that.

The past several days, I have been focusing on fueling my body with real, whole foods.  I am not looking at cutting out any food groups.  I don’t want to have the thoughts that I need to lose weight.  I am simply focusing on fueling my body with good, nourishing foods and exercising for the pure fun and enjoyment of moving my body.  For now, this is my focus.  I don’t want to travel down that negative body image road I traveled on for so long and worked so hard to exit from.

I debating whether or not I should write about ending my Whole 30 early.  I truly do love the Whole 30 program and I still highly recommend it. I felt I needed to be honest about what is going on though.  I began this blog not only as a way to hold myself accountable to my healthy living goals but also to be a positive, real life, healthy living role model.  I am very passionate about living the healthiest life we can and I want to be able to educate and support others with ways they can improve their own health.  I wish to inspire others to love themselves.  To take care of themselves in a healthy and positive way.  There is plenty of negativity in this world to bring us down.  I want this to be a place full of love and positivity.

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Take care of yourself, friends!  Love yourself for who you are, because you are amazing!

Wishing you a beautiful and healthy day!

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